losing patience

I'm sitting here at the computer, two hours after my injection, with an "only now starting to dull" pain in my right arm. I am losing patience with my injections. I'm starting to crack.

I have an appointment with my MS doctor on October 22. As I understand it, this appointment is a sort of "check in/check up" on how I am doing, and in particular, how I am doing with my medication. I guess that you could also say that it checking in on how my medication is doing with me...is it doing what it is supposed to do?

Tonight I realized that I may not be able to go 21 more days without some official check-in, or words of medical experience and knowledge regarding my medication situation. You may remember that I was told at the beginning of my injections that the "uncomfortable reactions" would subside within 6 months.

I am at the beginning of week 30, and I must say, week 29 was the worst. I had four consecutive days of post injection pain and welts - four days, four different welts. The pain is difficult to describe - but I imagine that it is similar to having layers of skin torn off.

I'm thinking that I might phone the MS clinic tomorrow and let them know about my daily trials, and that I am at the point where I dread the needle. My body, and this foreign substance called Copaxone just can't get along. In the evening, I postpone getting out the icepack - I just don't want what follows. I did have a moment - September 16 - that I was finally pissed off with the situation, and announced to Jason that I did NOT want my needle that night.

After realizing that I should make the clinic aware of my pain, I started to doubt myself.

Am I just being a wimp? Is it really such a big deal? If the medication is working, are two hours of pain, in a day with twenty four hours, worth it? What if I stop the medication, and the next day would have been the day that it doesn't hurt anymore? What if the side effects from a different drug are worse?

Well, I'm off to bed...

Emily

2 comments:

corina said...
September 30, 2007 at 10:51 p.m.

that sucks em. hopefully you'll get some answers tomorrow. thinking of you :)
c.

Anonymous said...
October 1, 2007 at 8:20 a.m.

You are allowed to lose your patience. Why has it taken so long?

The "what-if's" further complicate things. We all have them but in your case I don't think I'd get a wink of sleep because of them.

A feeling helpless Ladyfingers.

Little bits about my life with MS

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