take it as it comes

Spontaneity. It may just happen. The words given to a couple unable to conceive a baby using all means within their financial, emotional and physical power.

Spontaneity and just letting things happen is not how am I trying to live my life with MS.

So now what?

I'm feeling a bit useless and damaged. But don't worry - I got out of bed, I washed the dishes in the sink, and I'm writing this blog. I just need to reach a final point of acceptance...of something.

Wishing a baby to just happen while on Rebif is not recommended. So is it time to get back on the DMD track, accepting that being pregnant will never be in my cards? Or is it time to lay off all drugs, DMD and fertility and see what happens? Back to square one, just like five years ago, but this time I do have MS.

It was made clear to Jason and I yesterday that my insides are a "hostile environment". Recent medical oopses...oops, did I say that, I meant to say recent unfortunate medical events have resulted in extensive internal scaring. Not to mention endometriosis, have made motherhood the old fashioned way next to impossible.

I have to make a choice. Time is not on my side. Though I am not "old", any time waited is time past in reproductive years - decreasing the odds of successful "other methods" of conceiving. And as far as I am concerned, time is not on my side with MS either. At the drop of a hat, things can change or maybe just as time goes by...things can progress.

When I was waiting to start my DMD 3 1/2 years ago, I likened it to standing in the middle of a busy intersection, unprotected. For myself, I believe in the DMDs.

While I may have the inclination to take it as it comes for many things, I can't be this way with MS.

Emily

the story continues

This is just a quick check-in...Jason thought that I should post to give you an update...I think that he should just do the post himself...

In a nutshell, I returned to a THIRD hospital on Friday Aug 8, with my gynecologist doctor expecting me, preparing for surgery on the 9th. What was supposed to be a surgery to drain an ovarian cyst, and remove some other "gyne" garbage, turned into a life saving measure.

At some point, likely when I was at one of the other two hospitals, my appendix ruptured.

My abdomen is an infected mess.

I got home from the hospital on August 15...and celebrated my 34th birthday yesterday.

Today, while trying to focus on the good, I realized that all of my MS symptoms have been kept at bay. I was only reminded of my MS when I had my Rebif injection on Friday. We hit a small vein, which is then always accompanied by 12 seconds of pain while the liquid goes in. The burning sensation was too much for me that day, having just returned from the hospital...

I'm tired.

Emily