New Look

Welcome to the NEW look of Emms' Bits!

Quickly approaching my two year blog-i-versary, I decided it was time for a face lift.


Sometimes I wonder...

...are you watching me to see if I'm any different?

In particular, I am referring to people who "knew" me before I became a person living with MS, and whom I don't see on a regular basis.

So we cross paths at a gathering, and I wonder...does the other person look past me to see if I have a walking aid? Does he watch me walk across the room, and other than looking at my dazzling beauty and gorgeous jewelry, does he check for a drunk-like swerve or stumble?

I suppose this kind of anxiety* (*for lack of a better word) is pretty common. But now, I have added to the list of imaginary things that people are checking me out for.


Em's Slackers hit the street

Every year, for the MS walk, free t-shirts are handed out to walkers who have raised a set amount of money. You pick up your t-shirt when you register on the day of the walk, or a couple of days before hand. For some teams, they get their team name printed on the back of the shirt. This is a "free" bonus for teams that raise, again, a set amount of money (the MS Society has the names printed, and the team captain has to pick up the shirts at the local Society office).

Em's Slackers have never raised enough money for the "free" bonus. Or so we thought. We have never been contacted to pick up our shirts, and our pledge-watching-ways have shown us that we were never close. Or so we thought.

*Ok, time for a bit of background information before I continue with this post...Jason's job has him traveling through the depths of downtown...the downtown of a large Canadian city. He sees many, many people in a day.

So imagine his surprise when he sees a t-shirt that says "Slackers" on the back. Surprised he was, but not enough to come home from work and tell me about it. Until he saw it again the next day, on a different person, rummaging through a garbage can. But this time, he clearly saw the back of the brown t-shirt...Em's Slackers.

Yes, Em's Slackers 2008 MS Society t-shirts are being modeled by Winnipeg's homeless.

Em's Slackers: doin' it for MS and for a fashionable downtown core.


evening television viewing

Last night, while laying in bed, waiting for sleepy time to find me, I watched a re-run of The Hour. George's guest was Alanis Morissette.

I feel asleep with this on my mind, courtesy of the interview:

Searching for happiness is one thing, but not THE thing, as happiness is fleeting. The true search is for peace.


at least I'm interesting

Adventures in eating, part 2.

Saturday was a lovely day here in the 'Peg. We have been under cover for too long: snow, wind, rain, and cool temperatures have hampered our enjoyment of the great outdoors. So when C-Dazzle asked if we (Jason and I) wanted to sit on a patio at The Forks, and enjoy the sunshine, I jumped at the opportunity.

*The Forks is a busy summer and winter activity center for both local folk and tourists, with shops, restaurants, entertainment, and water tours.

So the four of us found a table on a central restaurant patio, enjoyed some drinks, and nibbled on a snack.

And then it happened.

Red corn chip, cheese, green onion, salsa, and sour cream: caught in that spot of my throat where it won't go down either direction. I can't swallow, and I can't bring the food up. Frozen.

Panic starts to set in.

1 -2 -3...swall...nope not working.

Swallo...still not working.

Oh crap.

At this point, I am engrossed in my own situation. I'm not aware of my surroundings, I'm just trying to escape from choking, or spitting up.

I take a sip of my iced tea, hoping that the addition of something *new* to be swallowed would instinctively activate the reflex.

Sure enough, the iced tea did the trick, and as I released the food from the "trap" of my throat, I realized that my left hand was squeezing my left breast. Yup. That's what I said. No typo.

Jason was staring at me, with a smile in his eyes, and a little grin on his face. His body did not move.

C-Dazzle was confused and concerned.

Jake was unaware.

Because there was no need to clean up any expelled food or drink, or wipe off my glasses, Jason decided to imitate me.

C-Dazzle processed.

Jake needed a recap, and then decided to share with me, the universal hand signal for choking, which has nothing to do with your breasts.

Now - for my defense.

I didn't want to bang on the table. I couldn't reach Jason to grab his arm. I needed to clench something, but not cause a disturbance. I couldn't speak (or at least, I don't think that I could, but I do think that I was breathing). I needed to do a mini-flail...tense up...

At least I'm interesting.


To read Adventures in Eating Part 1, CLICK HERE or look in the archives for Wed January 28, 2009


Here is an adorable, awe-inspiring, and fun video:

I love dolphins.


**cough cough**

I think that the MS society needs a new walk photographer, because my team is more photogenic than this!

Slackers '09


I feel like a zombie...a glassy eyed zombie. This business is getting me down, and I am sure that the crummy weather isn't helping any.

This past weekend, I had a super mini meltdown over my lack of energy and enthusiasm, which is kind of dumb, because a melt down requires energy. I was reminded that I have had a busy few weeks, and this zombie time is to be expected.

Today, out of sheer stubbornness (not to mention a phone call from the gym commenting that they haven't seen me since May 15) I snatched up my gym bag, and drove to the gym. Dumb move. The road to the gym is a long street, with a whack load of stop signs. When I'm glassy eyed, I don't tend to pay attention to street signs, or turn my head both ways to look for other cars.

Anyway, I arrived safely (and I think that everyone else that I left in my wake, also arrived to their destinations safely), only to find the gym closed! Part of me was thankful, because I didn't know what I was going to get out of it, if I had no energy to put in to it...but the other part of me was angry.

Anyway, their hours of operation isn't the point. The point is, I shouldn't drive down residential streets with eyes glazed over. I know enough not to drive down main streets with lots of I know that no level of driving is safe when I am in zombie mode.

So why am I sitting here...fighting an impending nap?


disclosure and fear

My previous entry to this blog was about realizing that I haven't had to search out or nurture any new relationships since my diagnosis. Unless you count my relationship with myself. =)

Connected to that idea - how do you make friends when you have MS (or any chronic illness) - is when and if you should disclose your medical situation. This has repeatedly popped in to my mind lately: whether I'm reading a magazine that has an article on the exact subject, reading comments on my blog, or struggling with my own "I don't work because I have MS" situation.

Let me say this very quickly - I don't think that there is a correct answer to this. But boy, is it ever a difficult thing. New friends, old friends, family, employer, future employer, neighbour...who needs to know?

For myself, disclosing this information to close friends and family was a no-brainer. Disclosing to my employer was a different bag, because I quickly became unable to work. I felt as if I owed my employer an explanation, but at the same time, didn't want to provide him with any reason to terminate me. Which lead me to worry about job hunting for the rest of my life!

What should I tell people? How do I inquire about benefits? How do I ask for flexibilty?

still struggle with future plans. And I don't have answers to any of the above questions, because right now, they don't apply to me. I can only concern myself with what is happening in the here and now. Instead, I worry if the current economic situation will pull my insurance provider down, thus cutting my income in half. I wonder if Jason should leave his current job, causing us to loose our health benefits. For me, that is the here and now...and so is filling my days with meaningful actions and relationships.

So how will I go about enjoying the here and now?

I think that I know the secret - live honestly, live true - BIG AND GENUINE.

Disclosure on a level that you need for you...not what other people need from you. Disclosure for empowerment, not excuses.

Little bits about my life with MS

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