subtle reminder

No denying it...trying to celebrate it...I have been very active lately. Other than some headaches, and low-level fatigue, I have felt good. Almost...n-o-r-m-a-l. normal.

A few posts back, when I discussed my CPP Disability application, I mentioned that certain things have just become second nature to me (like guiding my leg into my pants, or holding on to the bathroom wall). So if I were to expand my thinking on this idea, I guess that I have made a number of other adjustments in my life, in order to get through the day...one day at a time. I'm not going to try and figure out what they are, but I imagine they involve body positioning, head movements and task selection.

So today, when my "wobbles" were activated while I was sitting by myself at the kitchen table, I was taken aback! I spent a very short amount of time sorting out papers from the junk drawer (remember, one of 3 junk drawers). I decided to use page protectors to organize and separate pizza flyers, coupons, restaurant menus...so I was dividing a big pile into multiple little piles. This involves a shifting of the eyes, a subtle turning of my head, moving my hand one direction while looking the opposite direction ... as Jason says...it was just enough to remind me that I am disabled.

In my mind, it reminded me that I am where I need to be. When I start to think, "well maybe I can get some kind of job...", I will remember that I can't sort papers.

Emily

P.S. As I'm typing this, I now remember walking the aisle of the video store the other day...I suddenly needed Jason by my side. I had been walking forward, with my head turned to the left...I KNOW BETTER THAN THAT! It was obviously a moment when I let my subconscious guard down!

2 comments:

~ Charlene S Noto said...
July 3, 2008 at 2:04 AM

I like your "jobs" of the other day. Those sounded pretty productive and fulfilling to me. I do understand the wanting to "get some kind of job" but I also know that we are very limited as to what we can do...for me, it has to be things from home (cognitive issues) with very short concentration stints. Just by what you write here, you are helping other people, including me.

Ladyfingers said...
July 3, 2008 at 12:09 PM

Thank you Charlene. I often wonder if Em is reaching anyone else.

Yes Emily you do know better than that but I don't blame you for giving it a try. I'm always doing things I shouldn't do and paying for it. If it is my choice than I shouldn't complain just live with the pain.

Mom XO

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