is there a difference?

When I got the message from BB yesterday, I panicked. Very quickly, I harnessed my thoughts and energy, and told myself, "One step at a time".

After some quiet minutes, sprawled on the couch, I decided that I would do exactly what I intended to do from the beginning...ride the wave...as far as I could.

But in the situation that I am in, it is very difficult to take things one step at a time. The future is always a consideration. So I will consider the future if and when I am offered a position. At this point, I intend to ride the wave until that point. I decided that the whole process is a growing and learning experience. I could go through an interview and see how comfortable I really am with my situation. What a great way to experience the first interview in my new reality: familiar territory, familiar topic, no real pressure. I may thank myself for this someday.

In the meantime, I will try to keep my concerns, what-ifs, and excitement down to a dull roar. Last night, as I tried to fall asleep, I thought the following:

An employer is going to hire the best person for the job...someone with the ability to do the job. I have the ability. Why am I so focused on my daily challenges, and not focusing on my abilities? That darn CPP application was all about challenges, but for any employer, and myself, we would only focus on my abilities. A prospective employer won't ask me why I can't do a job. So I'm going to focus on my abilities, and my ability to do my dream job. But wait, is that where the situation gets cloudy and confusing...I may have the ability to do the job, but do I have the ability to work? Is there a difference?

Regardless of that revelation, I returned the phone call to the BB representative, and found myself smack in the middle of a telephone interview. The next thing I knew, I was answering questions about salary expectations, 3 strengths I would bring to the position, and my personal goals...and of course, why I left BB in the first place.

And, I have moved on to the next round. Following the interview, I was told that someone else will be calling me later today or Monday to schedule a structured interview in person, on either July 23 or July 24.

I don't think that I have written the final post on this subject...

Emily