Today - as of right now

I really don't know what to say about my appointment today. I left feeling extremely angry. The kind of anger and frustration that rises inside and you just want to scream and pound on something to get it all out.

As I expected, I did very well with all of the neurological and co-ordination/strength tests. I could tap my toes, touch my nose with my fingers, and push the doctor away. I don't have to endure any MRI's in the next while. The doctor was willing to speak with me about Tsyrabi as a therapy option if I had insurance that would cover it - but I don't. So it looks as if I will be starting a beta-interferon in the next month or so.

The reason why I left angry is that there are still unanswered questions - and as such, there are no new ways to assist me in getting through my periods of, "can't I just replace this head on my shoulders?". I feel mis-understood. I was told once again, to rise above these stumbling blocks as it's too early in the disease to be taken down by it. I was expecting to be asked if I was having any challenges, any difficulties, and new issues, and concerns. As suggested, I made a list of things to talk about, and answers to questions that I anticipated so that I would not forget anything. Well the nurse saw that I had a list, and took it from me. She started to read it, and that's when she began her "rising" speech. I wasn't given the opportunity to speak about my points. No one asked me how many relapses I have had in the past 8 1/2 months.

The doctor does acknowledge that I have a problem - but he does not believe that it is related to my MS. The symptoms that I describe, as well as his hands-on testing of making me sit up and lay down on the cot in the exam room tell him that something is off - and it sounds like it is vestibular in nature. no kidding. He is sending me to an ENT (ear, nose and throat doctor) to eliminate any inner ear problems.

Myself, I am quite happy with the explanations that I have received regarding my motion issues. Just don't tell me that it has nothing to do with my MS. My problems are a result of lesions - lesions caused by MS. Just because I don't fit the script...

I just seem to be continuing on in this void - an unknown world - the Winnipeg Triangle. I understand that I likely have life-long impediment's...I just want to know why, and what is the best treatment. I want one disease.



Little bits about my life with MS

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