I shed a few tears today.
I have been walking around as if everything is ok. I mean, I haven't had a relapse since January 2008, therefore, everything with my disease is dormant. Sure, I'm tired. Yes, I have trouble completing sentences in conversation. And if I browse the racks at a store, I get wobbly.
I have considered these things to just be part of the disease, and nothing that I haven't been dealing with since the beginning.
But do you remember how I have been having trouble with my legs, in particular my left leg?
Well, as I suspected, but obviously didn't prepare myself for...the issue with my leg is spasticity. This threw me for a loop. I expected Dr E to shrug it off or say, "Could be". Instead, I heard the words, "there is medicine for that".
For me, the confirmation of spasticity represents disease progression. What I didn't want to admit could be happening, is happening.
Just because I continue to avoid the more common issues, doesn't mean things aren't happening beneath the surface. It also means that this disease continues to be invisible for me, as my leg on a day to day basis is still loose.
As for the rest of the appointment, it was uneventful, and rushed. As the first appointment of the day, in the new location for the entire Neurology Clinic at HSC, I thought that things might be different. Alas, new digs do not make for new attitudes.
The nurse performed most of the tests (heel-to-toe, how-fast-can-you-walk, walk on your toes, walk on your heels). She even asked what questions I had for the doctor, and she answered them herself. When Dr. E. came in to the room, he had done his homework. Not only did he have the results from the nurses investigation, but he asked me what the outcome of my high platelet count was.
Ultimately, I left there with a follow-up appointment for October 2010. My GP will get a letter, outlining the check-in, and a list of suggested drugs for fatigue and spasticity, should I decide to take them.
To me...it's passing the buck...double billing...but I'm just the patient.