so much to say

Oh, I have so much to say...and I'm just not in a good head space to get it all out. Or at least get it all out in a manner that is not only enjoyable for you to read, but that makes sense and you don't think that I am totally cRaZy.

(And if you aren't someone that spends face to face time with me, you should know that the people who do spend face-to-face time with me already know that I am crazy - as per the frayed wires in the noggin).

I want to tell you about the tests that I had on Monday...I want to tell you about how terrible I physically feel right now...I want to tell you about how I am waiting to start my new drug (and why I am waiting, I have been sitting on this bit since Christmas eve!)...I want to tell you about the latest in the Winnipeg Transit Why Do We Have to Communicate With One Another Saga...I want to tell you how feeling physically terrible makes me frustrated and saddened...the fertility specialists office called me the other day and he wants to see me and I am embarrassed to tell him that we have chosen me over baby...I'm angry because when I physically feel this way I can't go to Curves or wash the dishes that are in the sink. And Jason is tired.

This is what can be so troublesome. I am in no shape to go out. We need cat food and are soon to need milk (and those are just the necessities...we need a whole grocery shop). Going on my own is out of the question, and my head is in such a state that even going with Jason is unsettling for me. Jason wasn't home today in between shifts (union meeting) and won't be home tomorrow either (sign-up). He also has curling tomorrow night. And when he gets home tonight - he will be beat. He has been beat for a few days. The dishes are piling up, and the cats are getting hungry.

It must sound petty to you - but can you imagine not being able to contribute? Sitting here typing certainly doesn't help me - but I hope that by typing, I'm relieving some of my own stress. This is the kind of thing (days) that make me cry. It was almost a year ago that the social worker told us that sometimes people will have to help us by doing our dishes. We laughed at the thought.

Well, I got a bit out.



Brent said...
January 11, 2008 at 12:23 p.m.

I'd hug you if I was in Winnipeg, but unfortunately I'm not. I hope things get better soon - I wish I could help!

Peewee said...
January 11, 2008 at 4:35 p.m.

I'd be there to do your dishes if it wasn't 2400 kms each way.

Little bits about my life with MS

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