a bit of whining...

What is on my mind...

I haven't contacted any level of representation from the federal political parties. My time is running out. I don't quite know what to ask of them. I have looked at the Multiple Sclerosis Society of Canada's website, and I am aware of the current priority issues. Honestly, I don't feel like I am mentally "on" enough to have the level of conversation which I would expect (and want) from myself. I guess it isn't so much that I don't know what to ask, but I fear how it would come out in the moment.

Thankfully, today, one of the parties announced federal funding for prescription drugs...with more details to follow when the full election platform is revealed on Sunday. I KNOW that this is something that I care about.

Next...

Falling asleep is difficult for me. There was a time, within the past couple of years, that it would be lights out the minute my head hit the pillow. Not so much anymore. I can't get comfortable. And worse, I can't turn my brain off. Thoughts shoot through my mind, like a nasty game of dodge ball. I never know where they are coming from...no pattern, no rhyme or reason.

Last night, what stands out most to me, is the following thought:

My body (never mind my non-physical being!) has endured enough. This is what makes me wonder if I am actually dealing with things as well as I think I am...it all of a sudden hits me that I have experienced more in the past two and a half years than many will experience in a lifetime. The scary thing is, with my seeming un-luck, I'm likely to go through more!

Sure, I can list the illnesses: MS, PCOS, Endometreosis, Appendicitis, Peritonitis, Pancreatitis...did I leave anything out? But how about the countless needles and IV's? Sometimes the needles, take blood, sometimes they inject heavy duty medications to either "trick" my body (yeah, let's add induced artificial menopause to the previous list) or wrangle in vicious attacks on my body. MRI's, CT scans, ultrasounds...and needles that either snatch a piece of my liver or suck out my spinal fluid. Let's not forget the catheter and the surgical drain. One exploratory laproscopy, one surgical laproscopy, one failed hysteroscopy, and one successful hysterscopy...and a sleep study.

I don't think that I have missed anything. I feel like I'm a science project. Or a lab rat...if only Dr. Schmidt was still my neurologist. In the month of October, I will have two intra-muscular injections to stop my body from producing estrogen. I'm also scheduled for more blood work, and MS doctor willing, I'll have all of my scheduled Rebif needles. I'm having an ultrasound to check out my pancreas, and a CT scan to look at the rest of my abdomen (in particular, to look for an appendix).

Thank goodness my colonoscopy isn't until November! No really, I'm serious.

Emily