and we've begun

I have officially returned to drug treatment. After four and a half months off of drug, yesterday was my first "mini" dose of Rebif. I am on a titration schedule: 6 doses of at a lesser amount, and then into 22 micrograms. Depending on how well 22 micrograms goes, things may switch to 44 micrograms.

Yesterday was my best experience so far, when comparing approximately 210 previous injections. Jason and Corina were here for the training, and any potential drama. Much to Corina's surprise, Jason and I had previously elected her to administer my first dose. But the only drama was Corina, shaking while pinching up the skin on my arm...syringe in hand, cotton ball at the ready... and me encouraging, "It's ok. You can do it."

What I was really thinking was, "Anytime now... let's go...I'm waiting..."

And then I said, "Did you push the plunger?" I couldn't feel anything, and the room had fallen silent. I didn't even hear the dreaded ting of the needle as it was retracted.

"Yup, she's done."

I didn't notice the moment. And I didn't notice anything for the rest of the day. Well, that it isn't totally true. I had taken a tylenol prior to the injection, and spent the following eight hours on the couch, except for when I got up to get my dinner. It was then that I noticed a slight achiness in my arms. Compared to every Copaxone injection...that was nothing!

So now I have to wait until Monday for my next injection. It feels so strange. I can see how it might be easier to forget a dose on Rebif. On Copaxone, the injections were everyday, and I was often reminded of this by the lingering pain in the previous location. Not that I want to get ahead of myself...there is still plenty of opportunity for this to go sour. But so far, it feels good.

The other thing missing for me yesterday was the emotional reaction to having to go through this in the first place. There is plenty of time for that to come too, and I'm sure that it will come and go as all of the variables come into play (side effects, location of injection, overall physical and emotional condition that day, giving myself the injection when no one else is around etc).

I am surrounded by people who want to make this easy for me, no matter how difficult it is for them. I can count at least five people who would give me my injections: Jason the rock, Corina the conquerer, father-in-law Gil who will do anything that I need, Shaun-of-no-fear, and Ladyfingers (need I say more?). Unfortunately, the training session was only for Jason and one other person.

And with less injections...will they all get a turn?

Emily