Today is a traditional P.I.D. day for me...possibly accelerated by being over-fatigued. I don't know if over-fatigued is an actual condition, but this now how I will, from here on in, refer to day's like today. I haven't been able to control my "I have to be doing something to be valuable" tendencies, and now I'm paying for it. I'm cranky, achy, angry, sad, frustrated...
Determination, a stubborn personality, adrenalin, and stupidity have gotten me this far...and have now sucker punched me.
I'm angry with myself, I'm angry with my situation.
I'm achy...because it's a P.I.D. day (for tomorrow's injection, I get my first 44mcg dose).
I'm sad because I don't have the physical or mental energy to do things...and I'm sad because I can't believe that my life is like this.
I have all but given up on house cleaning. I seem to be able to spend my time on one thing...my bead hobby - and nothing else. If I was cleaning the house, I wouldn't have enough energy for my hobby...I don't imagine that would make me feel any different than I do now. Today, and for the past few days, I'm not even spending time with my beads. I did go to aquafit yesterday, and I will admit that I had to push myself to go.
And don't get me started on eating and exercise! I have less than three months to "fix" my triglycerides...I'm not off to a good start. I don't have the energy to 1) assemble a meal 2) do a thorough and healthy grocery shop 3) make a meal plan 4) eat much more than ice cream or cereal...soft and easy foods for me.
And where is Jason in all of this? Apparently, I'm not supposed to rely on him for healthy eating. So he is in the driver's seat of the car...taking us to the restaurant. He has had his own troubles for the past while...
But I broke it to him the other day...and reiterated it today...I need to be carried. I feel as if I have been carrying us for some time...and I'm tired.
Emily
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