In July, my close friend C-Dazzle and her partner are leaving for a round-the-world adventure. I have known this for some time (since February), and as the magic date quickly approaches, and they complete more necessary steps to leave...I have realized what it means to me.
Jason and I have joked that we need to audition couples for the position of our NEW BFF's. There are big shoes to fill!
There are the obvious losses that I will have to adjust to: who am I going to have girl talk with? who will I go for pedicures with? with whom will I eat french fries for dinner? who will I spend a lazy day with?
Jason is great...but after the exfoliation and moisturization scandal of 2003, he isnt' that great.
Without C-Dazzle around...Who will come to visit me and not want to DO something? Who will know my story and care about me anyway? Who will drive to me, and never expect me to drive to them? Who will stand in line and get me lunch when I'm wobbly? Who will see me in all my situations, and not get scared away?
My relationship (and I should also say OUR relationship with C-Dazzle and Jay) has developed the most since I "went berry picking" (or got sick). One of the highlights of the past three years has been my relationship with C-Dazzle.
I haven't been able to lead a conventional life for three years - and C-Dazzle has been generous and un-conventional.
So without her, I have to ask myself...Will I be able to put myself out there for new friendships? Will I be myself? Will I muster the courage to leave my side of town, and not fear the wobbles or fatigue finding me while I am out? Will someone else understand what it means to have a friend who has MS?
Maybe I should have C-Dazzle write a letter of recommendation for me.
Emily
4 comments:
gulp.
i hope you are only filling the positions temporarily. these new bff's better know they are only filling in...like a mat leave. WE'LL BE BACK! i, for one, intend to resume my duties...what if you find someone who likes desperate housewives AND brothers & sisters?...will i still have a place when i get back? oh noes!
but em...you will do fine. you are a rock. you are strong. people are drawn to you and your inviting personality. i wish i could take you with me to break the ice with the locals. you'd have them cracking up before i would have the courage to say hi.
you will find another bff swiftly and easily. and then i'll have to beat her up when i get home.
love, c-dazzle
p.s. i read this one at home. so nah nah you didn't make me cry at work ;p
I'm new to this whole MS thing, and a lot of my older friends are moving forward, or up, or on with their lives and I feel stuck here.
Making new friends is never easy. I empathize greatly.
I hope that C-Dazzle will write you that letter of recommendation and I hope that change just means "different" this time, not "sucks".
She is pretty great, isn't she??
That does it you've all got me crying!!
MomXO
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