Every day is an emotional and physical question mark. That is just the way it is, and I'm okay with it. Who needs predictability!? **I say that somewhat sarcastically.**
While I still seem to struggle with the notion of a routine - to have or not have - I realized that one "routine" has been broken. For some time now, I don't feel as if I have to accomplish something (or not do something) within a specific amount of time "because I have to go to work tomorrow".
That's right - I have broken free of the haunting, "I'm going to work on Monday" feeling.
This isn't to be confused with wondering if I CAN work, or feelings of meeting self-imposed responsibilities...it is just the feeling of getting out of bed, and spending 8-10 hours at paid employment. It was like a habit...predictable...it became a part of who I was. And now it isn't.
I still haven't managed to comfortably answer the question, "do you have a job that you go to?", or "so what do you do?", or the simple, "where do you work?"
I met someone new a couple of weeks ago, and sure-shootin', she asked me, "So do you a job that you do on top of making jewelry?"
My answer..."No. I have MS".
I was mortified at myself! What a way to answer that question! Why couldn't I have said, "No, not right now"? Heck, even, "Nope" would have been better than what I did say. What a way to make someone uncomfortable...including myself.
So I am finally comfortable with the fact that I'm not going to work tomorrow, so hopefully next, I can find a way to be comfortable in telling people that.