Shit - I Really Do Have MS!

My annual "check-in" with my MS neuro was last week. I finally got to meet "the new guy", "the new guy" who is "tracking" my disease.

*okay, maybe I have started this off on the wrong foot...a bit too sarcastic. Let's try this again:

My annual appointment with my MS neuro was last week. I finally got to meet the new doctor who writes me prescriptions for months worth of Rebif at a time (not one month at a time like the last guy). The new doctor doesn't wear a scrub shirt either.

*I couldn't help that one.

Carrying on...

I told the new doctor that I don't believe I have Multiple Sclerosis. He didn't bite...not even a nibble. Not even when I said it a second time. I guess it's a good thing he didn't bite, because he is trying to help me with my fatigue (unlike my GP), my jumpy legs, and my relationship with my Rebif.

And now for the rub - I no longer believe that I don't have MS. Thanks to the MS Hug.

The MS Hug is not how it sounds. Hugs make you feel comforted, loved, safe...the MS Hug makes you feel suffocated, scared. It can be painful, annoying and unwanted.

And I got my first hug, (at least that I noticed) last week. I thought that I was having a heart attack. It started with a crushing pain in my chest, right in between my breasts. The pain traveled to my left shoulder, and then down my left arm, and the chest pain radiated through to my back. It was difficult to breath: I was scared and agitated. In my mind, I was arguing with myself over whether or not I should call 9-1-1. The "event" lasted just under ten minutes.

Over the next few days, the pain returned to my shoulder and arm: it felt like my arm was asleep, but with pain. I have had tightness in my chest, and at times, it's hard to take a deep breath. The tightness in my chest is something that I have had with my MS from almost the beginning. But the pain in my chest, and chest pain that is accompanied by shoulder and arm pain is new.

I had heard of the MS Hug (also known as the Girdle). I thought that maybe the annoying numbness over my right ribs was "The Hug". Now I see that it is more funny (sometimes it tickles) and "The Hug" is not funny. It does not tickle. And without discussing it with my mom, I probably would have continued to think I had a heart attack (I even took an aspirin the second time), and been too embarrassed to call 9-1-1.

*the MS Hug is caused by a lesion on the spinal cord
*tiny muscles in between each rib go into spasm (nerves control muscles)
*feelings can happen anywhere in between the waistline and the chest (rarely up to the neck)
*worse during fatigue or stress
*can last for minutes or weeks

 So - it finally hit me - Shit. I really do have MS.

Failing My Goals

I think that it is normal to set goals (even mini goals) for the day. Well maybe "goal" is too heavy of a word: it's good to intend to accomplish things in a day, and therefore work to accomplish these things. Or is this my own warped thinking: every day must have purpose; we have responsibilities to ourselves, our loved ones, and our community.

I have recently come to the realization that I don't ever set "napping" as a goal. It is never something that I intend to do. It is in fact, something I fight against doing. Napping gets in the way of the other goals I have set, like beading, dead heading flowers, sweeping, or making cookies. Napping takes precious time away from my REAL goals (my average nap is 2 hours long and then I require cobweb shaking after that).

So by not setting out to nap every day (making it a goal), I fail at accomplishing my daily goals.

Can you see how that works?

What I Learned About Garlic

I'm so glad that I watch television. Where else would I learn about how to select garlic at the grocery store? I mean, who just decides to Google garlic (I confess, I just did in preparation for this post).

 Anatomy of the Garlic Plant

Have you ever brought a garlic bulb home and had it fall apart? Or gone to chop up a clove, and it was all dry? Let me share some hints with you, so that doesn't happen again...

1. don't buy a bulb that is falling apart or starting to open up - it's old

2. bulbs with pink-purplish bits are fairly fresh (picked recently)

3. toss the bulb in the air - the faster it comes down, the younger it is (older bulbs are lighter and don't fall as fast)