take it as it comes

Spontaneity. It may just happen. The words given to a couple unable to conceive a baby using all means within their financial, emotional and physical power.

Spontaneity and just letting things happen is not how am I trying to live my life with MS.

So now what?

I'm feeling a bit useless and damaged. But don't worry - I got out of bed, I washed the dishes in the sink, and I'm writing this blog. I just need to reach a final point of acceptance...of something.

Wishing a baby to just happen while on Rebif is not recommended. So is it time to get back on the DMD track, accepting that being pregnant will never be in my cards? Or is it time to lay off all drugs, DMD and fertility and see what happens? Back to square one, just like five years ago, but this time I do have MS.

It was made clear to Jason and I yesterday that my insides are a "hostile environment". Recent medical oopses...oops, did I say that, I meant to say recent unfortunate medical events have resulted in extensive internal scaring. Not to mention endometriosis, have made motherhood the old fashioned way next to impossible.

I have to make a choice. Time is not on my side. Though I am not "old", any time waited is time past in reproductive years - decreasing the odds of successful "other methods" of conceiving. And as far as I am concerned, time is not on my side with MS either. At the drop of a hat, things can change or maybe just as time goes by...things can progress.

When I was waiting to start my DMD 3 1/2 years ago, I likened it to standing in the middle of a busy intersection, unprotected. For myself, I believe in the DMDs.

While I may have the inclination to take it as it comes for many things, I can't be this way with MS.

Emily

1 comments:

corina said...
November 20, 2009 at 9:34 AM

i wish i knew what to say to help you decide. only you two can know how much more you can take financially and emotionally...as for the physical as you said the sooner the better for several reasons. if 'other methods' are out of the question then i'm not sure that spontaneity will be helpful either. if you believe in DMDs then you believe that they are helping you cope/deal/treat with MS.

don't feel useless or damaged...even a little bit...you are the most capable woman i know.

Little bits about my life with MS

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