going green

Before I went berry picking, I never realized how many things we do in a day that use energy. Currently, while energy seems to be a luxury for me, I am being much more selective in my actions so as to "conserve" the much needed energy. I am "going green" for my body.

The trouble is, I can't "store" energy. As much as I would like to think that I can, I can't harbour it in jars and tubes in my basement, and fill up when I feel like it, or even when I really, really need it. I can't sell it. I can't give it away. I can't even count it.

For some time, I thought that if I slept today, I would be good to tackle a project tomorrow. Or, if I nap now, I can stay up late to watch a movie. It doesn't work that way. Energy can be depleted at the snap of a finger. Sometimes it can be restored with a quick nap, or at the very minimum, a shutting off of all stimulus.

That's right, shutting off all stimulus, including the rambling thoughts in my head. No talking. No radio. No books. No lights. Just putting my body in to a "safe" position (ie. NOT the bathtub) and relaxing.

What continues to shock me is what things seem to bring on "tiredness" and even that all out fatigue. Mental work, like blogging or scrolling through web pages, can be quite draining. Carrying one bag of groceries from the car, to the kitchen. I know when these moments are upon me, and if possible, I ask for assistance. I try to avoid being so tired that I crash.

And then there are the things that require energy, that on any ordinary day, you wouldn't think twice about. Eating, which I have mentioned before, requires energy. Taking off clothes and getting in to bed, requires energy. Speaking requires energy. Having a conversation. Brushing my teeth, getting dressed, feeding the cats...

I should mention that I deal with different levels of tiredness, as well as fatigue. A common symptom for people living with MS is fatigue. Fatigue for me, is when I have the all encompassing tiredness: body, mind, and spirit. Fatigue is a whole other bit for a whole other day!

But I will say this, my tiredness, as with my fatigue, is NOT the same since I went berry picking.

Speaking of conserving energy, I need to end this bit due to mental drain.

Emily