nerves

This morning, Ladyfingers asked me if I was getting nervous about my upcoming surgery. jeesh, what is she, my mother...the way she reads my mind like that, and over a telephone line t'boot!

"Yup, I am. That's my next blog post"

Honestly, I intended for this to be the next bit.

I have had two laparoscopic surgeries in the past nine months, and have felt no worse for the wear afterward. What I mean by that is: I don't think that the emotional and physical stress of the surgeries had any affect on my MS symptoms.

Prior to the first surgery, the anesthesiologist wanted me to be aware that I may experience a worsened level of my MS symptoms, following surgery. But when researching the subject, I have read that most people with MS can tolerate standard anesthetic without risk. I wonder if this is the difference between the risk of the drug versus the risk of the physical ordeal?

Either way, I'm a bit nervous. When I had the two other surgeries, I was on Rebif. Now, I'm not. Without the powerful Rebif in my system, I am at greater risk for a relapse.

Searching my closet for my wonder woman bathing suit...

Emily

a new location

Greetings from "Sleepyville", or "Fatigue City".

Need I say more?

Ok, stop twisting my arm. I will say more.

I have been struggling with fatigue. That darn all-encompassing, life sucking fatigue.

I can't stand feeling this way. I am so tired, that I am afraid that if I fall asleep, I'll never wake up. I'm too tired to talk, so I just don't call (or type). My limbs feel as if they are encased in cherry chip cake (I would say cement, but that wouldn't be a good segue for my next complaint). I don't want to eat much because chewing is tiresome, and swallowing can be scary.

But, stubborn me, I push, and I push. And then I wonder why even breathing seems to take too much effort.

And here is another BUT...On a good day, I will credit my "push, push-ness" for my strength, and my ability to handle in a positive way, all of the crap I have been dealt.

Emily

I need to find a new reference

I find that when I speak about happenings, or anything else that can be referenced by a particular time, I say, "before I got sick", or "after I got sick", or "since I got sick". The "sickness" that I am referring to is the darn attack on my brain (not Appy-Gate, but I'm sure that will come) in June 2006. I have felt for some time that I need to stop using the attack as a reference point. I don't need reminders.

"When I got sick" is a poor reference. It's so negative and sad. However, it was a life-altering event...kind of like marriage. hehehehe For myself, it wasn't just a diagnosis of MS, or the solving of years of annoying and sometimes debilitating symptoms. It's as if I was faced with the fork in the road, and I found myself not on the path less taken, but fumbling through the bushes.

So could I change "before I got sick" to, "since I became a wilderness guide"?

Or how about, "since I went berry picking"?

Or, "since I took a wrong turn at the pinata"?

"Got sick" also seems to imply some current state of illness. No, I'm not having one of my, "Maybe I don't have MS" moments, I just don't feel sick.

So what other references have occurred in the past 2 1/2 years...

"Since I started to blog"...

"Since I stopped working"...

Nope. Those won't cut it. The first is too non-specific, and the second is depressing.

"Since I became a kitty-cat masseuse"...

GOT IT!

Thanks for helping me work this out.

Emily