back to square one

I had almost forgotten that I have MS. The return of the Rebif needle in to my life, reminded me that I live with this life-boggling disease.

Ok, that was a bit of an over-statement. What really happened, is that last night, I restarted my Rebif injections. Jason and I decided last week, that Monday, February 23 would be the day to start up again. I was nervous all day. Nervous, as in butterflies-in-the-tummy nervous.

When the witching hour rolled around last night, I got out my supplies (one cotton ball, one needle clipper, one pre-filled syringe, and one log book), dropped my pants, and poked myself in the thigh. I didn't dither, or dilly-dally...I did it. But from my list of supplies, I forgot to get an ice pack ready. Rookie mistake.

For me, the injection is proof-positive that I live with MS.

A single tear rolled down my cheek as I started to say this to Jason, but he was able to finish my sentence.

I have decided to start the injections back up until we receive further answers regarding my other health issues. Before deciding this, I spoke with a nurse at the MS clinic. The way that I see my situation, it could be at least another few months or more until I know what's going on with me.

If you remember, I stopped the Rebif, as it is necessary to be off the drug for a minimum of three months before trying to conceive. And since that is up in the air, AGAIN, I decided that I might as well look after what I have the power to look after (even if it is minimally). The nurse checked with Dr.E (my neurologist) who said that the benefits of being on the Rebif for four months and then stopping again (as an example) are arguable, so the decision is entirely up to me.

So here we are again - every Monday, Wednesday and Friday - back to square one.

Emily