back to square one

I had almost forgotten that I have MS. The return of the Rebif needle in to my life, reminded me that I live with this life-boggling disease.

Ok, that was a bit of an over-statement. What really happened, is that last night, I restarted my Rebif injections. Jason and I decided last week, that Monday, February 23 would be the day to start up again. I was nervous all day. Nervous, as in butterflies-in-the-tummy nervous.

When the witching hour rolled around last night, I got out my supplies (one cotton ball, one needle clipper, one pre-filled syringe, and one log book), dropped my pants, and poked myself in the thigh. I didn't dither, or dilly-dally...I did it. But from my list of supplies, I forgot to get an ice pack ready. Rookie mistake.

For me, the injection is proof-positive that I live with MS.

A single tear rolled down my cheek as I started to say this to Jason, but he was able to finish my sentence.

I have decided to start the injections back up until we receive further answers regarding my other health issues. Before deciding this, I spoke with a nurse at the MS clinic. The way that I see my situation, it could be at least another few months or more until I know what's going on with me.

If you remember, I stopped the Rebif, as it is necessary to be off the drug for a minimum of three months before trying to conceive. And since that is up in the air, AGAIN, I decided that I might as well look after what I have the power to look after (even if it is minimally). The nurse checked with Dr.E (my neurologist) who said that the benefits of being on the Rebif for four months and then stopping again (as an example) are arguable, so the decision is entirely up to me.

So here we are again - every Monday, Wednesday and Friday - back to square one.

Emily

Wonder Woman

I think that I have recovered from surgery. From now on, I will not assume myself to be invincible (despite the previous ownership of a Wonder Woman bathing suit!).

If I really think about it, Wonder Woman was very strong on her own: a power for righteousness, to be feared by evil! However, sometimes her knee-high red leather boots, her lasso, her bullet deflecting bracelets, and her ability to fly could only do her so much good. Sometimes, even she needed the help of her friends.

Wonder Twin powers activate...

Emily

feelin' OK!

Good afternoon!

I'm feeling pretty A.O.K. today. I haven't taken my full dose of Bonamine (for my wobbles) yet today. Also, I'm sitting at the computer, catching up with the virtual world. This is all a good sign.

Yesterday, I left a message for the MS clinic to call me about possibly re-starting my Rebif. I had a blood test on January 17, one month after stopping the Rebif, and I want to know if any numbers changed as a result.

Now why would I restart my Rebif...

I stopped my Rebif because I assumed that following surgery, I would have all my ducks in a row. I thought that all of my issues would be dealt with, all of my questions would have answers, and I would be either all systems go...or all systems red-lighted.

Instead, I am all-systems yellow lighted. I meet with the surgeon again in April (believe it or not, that is my surgery follow-up appointment), and in the meantime, I have to have another test with him, as he thinks that conceiving is not going to be possible at this time. So, I may just go back on the Rebif until April, and then figure out when my next surgery will be...and start this whole process over again.

OR

I might just floor-it through the yellow light.

Emily

I'm here

Lately, I haven't been up to much. Much to my disappointment and frustration, that darn surgery last Tuesday did take something out of me. It stinks.

I don't have the motivation or energy to do anything. Combine the after-affects of the anesthetic, MS, and the emotion of the surgery, I'm wiped. And, it still isn't over. There will be more surgeries in the near future. Why, why, why!? Well, I know why, I just don't like the reasons.

Along with the fatigue, are the wobbles. For now, I'm not attributing this to the lack of Rebif needles. Jason seems to recall that the wobbles came on last time, as well.

Obviously, I blocked such "terribles" from my memory.

Emily

what are they thinking?

The Winnipeg MS Walk 2009 (coming up in April) is going to be different this year. I intercepted a phone call directed at Jason, as captain of Em's Slackers (our Walk Team), giving him/me the scoop on this year's walk. The purpose of the phone call was to encourage our team to pre-register for the walk, but at the same time, the coordinator shared with me the details of this year's REVAMPED walk.

Instead of having the walk in two different locations, at two different times, there will only be one location, and one time. Instead of holding the walk in either of the two previous locales: a beautiful tree-filled park or The Forks (a historic city location), it is being held in an affluent city neighbourhood. As well, there is only one distance available to walk: 6km. In the past, three different routes/distances were available.

I am shocked by this decision.

I can understand making changes to accommodate one location, and one time. By doing this, they are hoping for the largest MS Walk turnout in Canada. I have been known to say, go big or go home.

But if part of the goal is to be the biggest (often accompanied by the best) in Canada, shouldn't the walk be based out of the host city's well known, centrally located, federally designated, ever growing, beautiful park like location on the river...The Forks?

Surrounded by stories of our history, alive with the present, and building with the future.

The Forks represents community. Many argue that The Forks is the best part of Winnipeg! So instead of coming together for a cause in the city's historic meeting place, we're going to start and finish at a community high school, and walk 6 km through the streets of some of the most expensive houses in the city.

And don't get me started on the cutback of distance options!

Emily