Results, Prompting Questions

I'm sorry to have kept you in suspense for so long! I just realized that I haven't shared my MRI results with you. I have been celebrating since Monday afternoon...all by myself!

Let's skip the small talk and get down to business...

First of all, the Winnipeg Regional Health Authority has streamlined patient records. This means that when I have a procedure at a different hospital than normal, the new hospital can access the old records. This means two things to me: I can't get a new diagnosis very easily; and it is helpful to see if things have changed on my MRI's. I guess I will go with this being a positive development.

So...I still have MS...I didn't receive a "this isn't MS" report from the radiologist. Rather I received a "everything in my brain is just as it was 3 years ago, except that the lesion in my frontal lobe is smaller, and there is a new lesion in the pons", report.

That's okay. And if I understood this disease, or had a neuro that I could speak with, I'm sure that I would say it's great. In the moment of hearing the report, Jason and I were happy. My doctor is happy.

But I'm still worried. This means that the lesion assault on my brain is still there. Oodles of white marks, visible in a black and white photo of my brain. What are "they" doing? What have "they" been doing for the past 4 years? Are they just floating...waiting to all pounce and be reflected in my outward self all at the same time? Slowly nibbling away my myelin?

Well...it will be what it will be...right? The course can't be altered.

But I do think that I will stay on a DMD. I'm going to convince myself that it has been the Copaxone and the Rebif that have kept more of the fuzzy white spots away.

Emily

P.S. Jason, upon review of this post, has the answer to what the "white spots" have been doing... "They're pissing you off".

11:30 p.m. Musing Number 2

A conversation between Jason and I...last night...library books closed, table lamps recently switched off.

Me: Are you awake?

Jason: Yeah.

Me: What did you say Pi is?
~in reference to a conversation we had earlier in the day

Jason: 3.142857

Me: Well then how many centimeters are in an inch?

Jason: 2.54

Me: Right. Got it.

Ch-ch-ch-changes

I have spent the past four years trying to figure out how to live with my MS. I have noticed that everyday, I'm aware of it's presence. I can't go a day without experiencing something connected to the disease: an injection, a twitchy leg, a crushing headache, a stumble, cog fog...

I have limits. I must be prepared for the unexpected.

BUT I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE!

whew.

I feel stagnant.

So I'm challenging myself. Although I often feel that it's a challenge just to eat, I'm hoping that by challenging and changing other aspects of my life, the daily grind will get easier.

My first challenge is to get out of the house two days a week, and spend some time at a new, local crafty hangout. I have opted for two days that are NOT P.I.D days - and a time of day that is usually good for me...3 p.m.

I got a taste of a weekly challenge with aqua-fit, and now that aqua-fit is over until October, I need something else. This new challenge is both physical and mental...and hopefully fun!

Emily

MRI

Well that was fast. I haven't even had an opportunity to tell you about my MRI last week, and I'm already booked to get my results next week (Monday, to be exact).

In a nutshell - the scan went well. I had the luxury of being scheduled in the BIG machine - 12 cm larger than the "other" two machines available. Everything ran on time, and I'm sure that I kept it that way, as I didn't thrash my legs, or need to be pulled out of the machine, before getting in all of the way.

I'm still nervous. The scan is over, the report has been written...

I'm pretty sure that I have MS...as my doctor isn't rushing me in to tell that I don't have MS.

Emily

preparing for my MRI

I have begun some deep breathing exercises, anticipating Tuesday evening's scheduled MRI. I have enough of a sedative on my person right now to knock out two grown men: my doctor couldn't believe the dosage that I requested from her.

My last brain MRI was April, 2007. I am so curious about what things look like in my noggin!

This scan is being done at a different hospital than all of my previous scans. What if the radiologist reports something different from MS? What if the "photo" is still covered in white blotches, but they are not representative of MS lesions? What if my brain looks the same as it did in 2007, and the hospital wants to see me?

What if my doctor (my GP, the referring doctor) gets a report back, specifying MS, but indicating (very) active disease, and she wants to try a course of prednisone?

Oh dear, my brain is overdrive.

Emily