Today is a traditional P.I.D. day for me...possibly accelerated by being over-fatigued. I don't know if over-fatigued is an actual condition, but this now how I will, from here on in, refer to day's like today. I haven't been able to control my "I have to be doing something to be valuable" tendencies, and now I'm paying for it. I'm cranky, achy, angry, sad, frustrated...
Determination, a stubborn personality, adrenalin, and stupidity have gotten me this far...and have now sucker punched me.
I'm angry with myself, I'm angry with my situation.
I'm achy...because it's a P.I.D. day (for tomorrow's injection, I get my first 44mcg dose).
I'm sad because I don't have the physical or mental energy to do things...and I'm sad because I can't believe that my life is like this.
I have all but given up on house cleaning. I seem to be able to spend my time on one thing...my bead hobby - and nothing else. If I was cleaning the house, I wouldn't have enough energy for my hobby...I don't imagine that would make me feel any different than I do now. Today, and for the past few days, I'm not even spending time with my beads. I did go to aquafit yesterday, and I will admit that I had to push myself to go.
And don't get me started on eating and exercise! I have less than three months to "fix" my triglycerides...I'm not off to a good start. I don't have the energy to 1) assemble a meal 2) do a thorough and healthy grocery shop 3) make a meal plan 4) eat much more than ice cream or cereal...soft and easy foods for me.
And where is Jason in all of this? Apparently, I'm not supposed to rely on him for healthy eating. So he is in the driver's seat of the car...taking us to the restaurant. He has had his own troubles for the past while...
But I broke it to him the other day...and reiterated it today...I need to be carried. I feel as if I have been carrying us for some time...and I'm tired.
Emily
Showing posts with label P.I.D.. Show all posts
Showing posts with label P.I.D.. Show all posts
4 a.m. Blues
Posted in P.I.D. on Tuesday, February 02, 2010 by Emms
And you would have 4 a.m. blues too if you had to get out of bed (in the crisp February morning) to take some ibuprofen for body aches. From the soles of your feet, to the tip of your pinky!
By 8:30 a.m. I was ready to get up and head out to aquafit. I thought that the water swirling around my body might feel good - like a warm bath. Gentle movements, simple stretches, and the relaxed feeling that I naturally get in water.
Today marks the return of P.I.D Days (Post Injection Day).
By 8:30 a.m. I was ready to get up and head out to aquafit. I thought that the water swirling around my body might feel good - like a warm bath. Gentle movements, simple stretches, and the relaxed feeling that I naturally get in water.
Today marks the return of P.I.D Days (Post Injection Day).
yesterday with Dr
Posted in liver enzymes, P.I.D., Rebif on Tuesday, July 08, 2008 by Emms
Hahaha Annie. Yes, I set my alarm for this morning, but was unable to jump to the keyboard to share my story with my anxious readers. P.I.D. was in half force. I haven't encountered P.I.D. for a few weeks, so I was cool to oblige when it said..."stay in bed".
Jason and I left yesterday's appointment with the MS doctor feeling quite satisfied. We were the last patient of the day, and there weren't any other doctor's there with patients either. Dr. Not-So-Nice was thorough, attentive, generous with time, and patient. In my three previous visits with him, I don't think that I have used any of those words upon leaving.
Although he remains concerned about my liver enzymes, his mind was "put at ease" by the hepatologist. My enzymes fluctuate. I will continue to go for monthly blood tests, and keep taking my 22 mcg dose of Rebif (as opposed to bumping it up to 44mcg).
Dr. Not-So-Bad had a check-list of questions to ask me, and when he finished his list, he asked me if I had any questions. Since fatigue was not touched upon, I asked him if there was anything to help me through the rough fatigue days. I can accept that I can have two or three stellar days, and then maybe have two exhausted days, but when the exhaustion lasts for three or four, I get upset.
Fatigue is one of the more difficult things to treat. When I suggested that maybe I should be more disciplined on my stellar days, he said that unfortunately, fatigue is not predictable. Maybe having a nap everyday, despite how I feel, will help, but ultimately, MS does not play by any set rules. He has given me a drug to try as needed (amantadine) as he also seems to respect my desire to stay off daily medications as long as I can.
Throughout the course of our appointment, he did say a lot of "We don't know"s. However, he said it with a saddened certainty...a tone that I respected. It is as if he understands my concerns, and they are concerns that he shares with me...with neither of us holding the solutions.
So I don't need to see him again for another year. No MRI's. Maybe more swallowing follow-up...but it finally feels as if we can just ride the ride.
Emily
Jason and I left yesterday's appointment with the MS doctor feeling quite satisfied. We were the last patient of the day, and there weren't any other doctor's there with patients either. Dr. Not-So-Nice was thorough, attentive, generous with time, and patient. In my three previous visits with him, I don't think that I have used any of those words upon leaving.
Although he remains concerned about my liver enzymes, his mind was "put at ease" by the hepatologist. My enzymes fluctuate. I will continue to go for monthly blood tests, and keep taking my 22 mcg dose of Rebif (as opposed to bumping it up to 44mcg).
Dr. Not-So-Bad had a check-list of questions to ask me, and when he finished his list, he asked me if I had any questions. Since fatigue was not touched upon, I asked him if there was anything to help me through the rough fatigue days. I can accept that I can have two or three stellar days, and then maybe have two exhausted days, but when the exhaustion lasts for three or four, I get upset.
Fatigue is one of the more difficult things to treat. When I suggested that maybe I should be more disciplined on my stellar days, he said that unfortunately, fatigue is not predictable. Maybe having a nap everyday, despite how I feel, will help, but ultimately, MS does not play by any set rules. He has given me a drug to try as needed (amantadine) as he also seems to respect my desire to stay off daily medications as long as I can.
Throughout the course of our appointment, he did say a lot of "We don't know"s. However, he said it with a saddened certainty...a tone that I respected. It is as if he understands my concerns, and they are concerns that he shares with me...with neither of us holding the solutions.
So I don't need to see him again for another year. No MRI's. Maybe more swallowing follow-up...but it finally feels as if we can just ride the ride.
Emily
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Little bits about my life with MS
